Doug Miles of Sarasota Radio interviewed Jezra Kaye about Managing the Unmanageable Employee. Watch the video here:
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Jezra Kaye Interviewed on Managing the Unmanageable Employee
Posted in About Unmanageability
Tagged Doug Miles, Jezra Kaye, managing the unmanageable
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When Talkers and Thinkers (try to) Communicate
a thinker (introvert) fending off a talker (extravert)
You’ve seen this happen (in fact, it’s probably happened to you!):
Two people are having a minor conflict. It should be pretty easy to resolve, except that one of them wants to talk it out NOW, and the other one “has nothing to say.” Now they’re in conflict about talking about their conflict… and things can easily escalate from there.
Is this an example of poor sportsmanship? Inflexibility? Passive aggression?
Or is the problem one of styles?
Introvert, Meet Extravert
In the world of personality theory, an introvert is someone who likes to reflect on issues. An extravert, on the other hand, prefers to talk the issues through with others. Introverts can find it stressful to have their thought process interrupted; and extraverts can stress when they’re expected to come up with answers by themselves.
When you’re communicating with an unmanageable employee, these differences in style can heighten the tensions that already exist. Worse, they can lead one or both of you to assume that the other person is acting in bad faith, when in fact, it’s just a difference in how (and how quickly) you each prefer to move from thinking to speaking. (Slowly, versus lightning speed!)
So How Are We Supposed to Talk to Each Other?
Fortunately, as with most communication problems, understanding the source of tension can be half the battle. So here are some questions to help you get started:
- Does your UE leave his office or cube door open? Does he seem to gain energy in a crowd? Does he think a great group is at least 20 people? If so, he may be an Extravert, who needs to “talk to hear himself think.”
- Does your UE like to be alone? Does she seem to lose energy in large or boisterous settings? Does she prefer small gatherings? If so, she may be an Introvert, who holds her (communication) “cards” close.
Once you’ve thought about these questions, share your conclusions with your UE. Do his or her observations match yours? If you’re agreed that your styles differ, think together about how you can work together to minimize conflicts. For example:
- Extraverts will often respond better when, rather than trying to stonewall them, an Introvert says, “I know you’re eager to talk about this, but I need some time to gather my thoughts first. Why don’t we speak in half an hour?”
- And Introverts will often respond better when, rather than blasting them with words, an Extravert says, “I’m happy to wait to hear your thinking, but could I just share a few thoughts right now?”
Take Every Opportunity to Practice
Since these kinds of conflicts occur between friends and family members, as well as at work, you’ll probably find plenty of opportunities to practice this technique. Remember, the steps are:
- Notice that you’ve got a style conflict
- Share your observations with the other person, and
- Cooperate on meeting half way.
Let us know how that works for you!
Posted in Communicating with Your UE, Managing Your UE
Tagged communications, conflict, extravert, introvert
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The 12 Most Annoying Workplace Habits
there's something to annoy everyone at work!
Everyone’s got their own ideas about who and what is most annoying at work. Meghan M. Biro recently contributed her hilarious list to Ragan PR Daily, a wonderful resource for business communicators of all types (and that group includes you!). And readers have added their own peeves, which include in-office fingernail clipping and “banana smacking” (don’t ask!).
What’s great about Biro’s discussion is that it cites the behaviors without condemning the…behaviorees? As we stress in Managing the Unmanageable, your ability to see the person who’s being obscured by those habits that make you cringe is the first step in salvaging an unmanageable — or just an annoying — employee.
Even the “banana smackers.”
Horrible Bosses: Is Truth Nicer than Fiction?
Kevin Spacey, Unmanageable Boss
Often, when Anne or I tell someone that we’ve published a book called Managing the Unmanageable, the response is, “I hope you’re going to write a sequel called Managing the Unmanageable Boss!“
Not surprisingly, The Economist magazine (or whoever wrote their review of New Line Cinema’s “Horrible Bosses”) is not impressed with the specter of Unmanageable Bosses (let’s call them UBs) that this movie raised.
Perhaps the film stinks (I haven’t seen it), but that’s no reason to conclude, as this reviewer did, that “All this fuss suggests, not that bosses are growing more horrible, but that employees expect them to be more agreeable.” After all, he continues, “Laws ban discrimination, the internet allows people to air their complaints and the prevailing management culture emphasizes sensitivity.”
So everything’s OK, right?
Uh, not quite. While today’s bosses may not take an axe to your desk or lock you into a death-trap factory, Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire style, they are still perfectly capable of taking an axe to your career or sending you into a death-trap mine, Upper Big Branch Mine explosion style.
Most employees who quit their jobs cite bad bosses as the #1 reason. Horrible, or at least incompetent, managers are a fact of life, just as unmanageable employees are. (A friend of ours whose father ranks high in the State Department says that bad supervision is also the #1 complaint of military personnel returning from Afghanistan!)
What’s an Employee (or a Boss) To Do?
We vote for reinforcing the positive.
If you have a good boss, let them know, specifically, what you appreciate about their management style. We discuss acknowledgements elsewhere on this site (and, of course, in MTU!), but here are some samples of what we mean:
- “It helped me that you were very specific about exactly what you wanted my report to cover.”
- “Thanks for listening so attentively to what I said at the meeting.”
- “Jason seems much more energized since you mentioned his work so positively to the team.”
And bosses, don’t forget to do your part!
Catch your employees — UEs and non-UEs alike — doing something right, and acknowledging their efforts, as well.
Whether your “unmanageable” is a UB or a UE, acknowledging what’s best in their performance will help them move in a positive direction that benefits you, them, and your entire organization!
Posted in Managing Your UE
Tagged acknowledgements, horrible bosses, unmanageable bosses, unmanageables
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Unmanageable… or Generational?
Unmanageable... or generational?
Sometimes it can be hard to tell!
In today’s workplace, you’ll find three primary generations:
- Baby Boomers, born between 1946 and 1964
- Generation X, born between 1965 and 1980, and
- Generation Y (sometimes called The Millennials), born between 1981 and 2000.
While unmanageable employees can, and do, come from each of these generations, it’s also sometimes true that generational differences in style, expectations, and priorities can present the appearance of unmanageability when none actually exists.
Test yourself on these scenarios. Are they…
Unmanageable? Or Generational?
- Joe constantly talks back to his boss in front of others, undermining his boss’ authority
- Mae has sent Zach half a dozen emails asking for urgent information; so far, he hasn’t written back
- Alice regularly calls in sick on Mondays and goes home early on Fridays, especially during the summer
- Pippa gets visibly irritated by long meetings that drag on; she told her boss, “Just give me the bottom line, so I can get back to work.”
The Answers, Please!
One way to start separating unmanageables from people of different generations is to look at the impact of their behavior on the team or the organization.
Behavior that has a purely negative impact on your organization or team is a much more likely indication that you’re dealing with a UE.
With that in mind, let’s revisit the four examples above:
- Joe is a UE, perhaps of the Rude-nik variety. While different generations have differing communication styles, rudeness and the undermining of colleagues is never in style.
- Zach is a Gen Y. When Mae (a baby boomer) said that her queries were “urgent,” Zach texted his replies. They’ll discover this when they have a “Reset the Relationship” conversation of the sort we recommend in Managing the Unmanageable.
- Alice is a UE Slacker or AWOL. As with rudeness, there’s no generational explanation or excuse for letting down the people who count on you.
- Pippa is a Gen X. Meetings where sociable, group-oriented Baby Boomers and Gen Ys want to reach consensus on every item will drive action-oriented, just-get-it-done Gen Xs crazy!
Separating style (personal as well as generational) from unmanageability can be tricky — but it’s a skill that’s well worth mastering. It will help you capture, keep, and develop the genuine talents that every generation brings to your workplace!